


Honest Man

by 18au1



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/18au1/pseuds/18au1
Summary: Bestfriends Sejun and Stell is at an important crossroad of their relationship.*Inspired by Ben Platt's song Honest Man🎶 I'm an honest manWhy can't you take my hand?I'm not what you plannedBut I'm a safe place to landI'm an honest manSee me as I amShow me that I canYou make me an honest man🎶
Relationships: Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/John Paulo Nase | Sejun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Honest Man

**Author's Note:**

> Planning to make this multi-chapter. Update will depend on my schedule and mood. :)

"It's cold." Stell said while hugging himself.

"I'm cold?" Sejun answered not having heard what Stell said.

"Hindi, I mean giniginaw ako. Di ko naman alam na magyayaya kang manood ng sine. Ang lamig kaya sa sinehan na to." Stell half whispered his words so people won't shush him like they did earlier when he screamed at a scare scene. 'Scare scene nga eh, dapat matakot'. He thought. 'Eto kasing si Sejun andami naman palabas eto pa napili.'

Sejun hastily unzipped his sweater, leaving him wearing a white shirt with a print. It looks thin. So when Sejun passed Stell the sweater without looking, just ah simple "Oh." He didn't want to take it.

"Ikaw naman giginawin. Wag na." Stell's last words were amplified by the quiet scene in the movie which earned him a few dirty stares from people around them.

Stell rolled his eyes and hugged himself tighter. He normally wears sweaters anyway, but Sejun insisted for him to hurry when he picked him up at home earlier. 

His bestfriend of 5 years always does these things. When he's happy, he'd ask to eat out. When he's sad, he'd ask to go to an arcade. When he's excited they'd go out for coffee. And when he's mad, he'd ask him to go to the movies.

'Kanino na naman kaya galit to. Idadamay pa ko. Horror pa talaga pinanood namin.'

Sejun placed the sweater on Stell's lap. "Suutin mo na bago manigas yang kamay mo." He unconsciously reached out for Stell's hand and touched it lightly. "See ang lamig lamig na. Suot mo na yan." He hissed under his breath.

Stell glanced at his bestfriend, his stern face letting him know that Sejun won't take no for an answer.

The rest of the movie became a bit more bearable with hoodie shielding Stell's eyes from scare scenes. Once in a while, he would clasp his hand on the arm rest of his seat, without realizing Sejun's hand is there.

Sejun doesn't mind. He kept his eyes on the screen as Stell grabs his hand once in a while. Sometimes his bestfriend's palm would land on his leg. And it disappoints him when the movie is not scary enough because Stell would just keep his hands to himself.

He can feel the coldness now. Malamig talaga sa sinehan na to. They've been going in this theater for a while, but earlier, he insisted Stell to hurry up without telling him what's up. He just wants Stell to get out of the house ASAP.

It has been bothering Sejun for a while. And even he, can't give a concrete answer to what it is that he's been feeling.

One month ago, his new friend Ken, whom he met at a music workshop met Stell, when his bestfriend picked him up after a workshop session to go home together.

Stell is oblivious to anyone Sejun introduces and would never talk about them. But he was surprised when Stell asked about Ken on their Grab ride home.

"Madami kayo sa class nyo?" Stell asked absentmindedly while on his phone.

Sejun was looking out minding the road and he glanced at him quickly. "Around 20? I think. Bakit?"

"Wala lang. Curious lang. So yung kanina isa sya dun?" Stell said, his voice obviously excited to talk about this topic.

"Si Ken? Oo. Talented. Dancer, good voice. Gusto lang matutong gumawa ng sarili nyang music." Sejun said without realizing he's building Ken up. Not that it matters to him. Or so he thought.

Because when they got to Stell's house and he had to go, Stell bravely said, "Intro mo naman kami sa chat pag may time ka. Ok? Bye!" He quickly went out of the car, bouncing on his heels.

There's still about 20-mins before he reaches home and the rest of the ride home, he kept on thinking. 'Do I really want to introduce him to Ken?' Sejun can't quite put his finger on what he suddenly felt. He's introduced Stell to a lot of his other friends before, but it doesn't feel quite the same.

Sejun pushed the thought out of his mind and closed his eyes. He shut off everything that's bothering him and enjoyed the quietness of the night.

Sejun was brought back from his reverie when the lights turned on in the theater. Movie's over and Stell's still deep inside his hoodie with eyes closed. He pushed Stell's shoulder lightly, "Huy tapos na. Ang OA neto."

He didn't expect the feeling he got when Stell opened his eyes and took the hoodie off. As if in slow motion, Stell blinked, his full lashes lining up his dark kind eyes. "Jusko, salamat naman! Wag mo na ko ulit dadalhin sa ganyang movie ah."

Sejun didn't have the chance to answer when Stell grabbed his hand suddenly. "Tara na nga! Ginutom ako sa kaba ko!"

Sejun obliged without shaking Stell's hand off. He can clearly feel the electricity that runs through him as he stared at their palms close together. They've held hands in the 5 years of being friends on occassion. But as he looks at their hands, palm to palm, this is the first time he's noticing Stell's long slender fingers. They're soft and this makes him want to entwine each of Stell's fingers with his.

Stell loosen his grip as they reach the exit to the theater. Light spilled as they got out and Sejun was even more surprised when he looks at Stell as if he's seeing him for the first time. His soft, thick hair covering half his face. His eyes slightly hidden in them. He just wants to reach out and move the stray hair away so he can look at Stell's eyes clearly.

What made up for it not being able to see Stell's eyes clearly is when Sejun dropped his stare on Stell's lips. 'Have they always been that plump and red?'

"Earth to Sejun. UNIVERSE TO SEJUN??!?!" Stell waved his hand infront of Sejun's face. Stell has been noticing that he's staring blankly from time to time. Even as they were watching the movie earlier.

When Stell got his attention back, Sejun smiled at him cheekily. His braces glistening in the afternoon light. Stell often wonders if Sejun can see him when he's smiling. Specially when he's so happy that his eyes disappear.

Stell wondered why Sejun insisted on dragging him to the movies today. He only does this on impulse when he's mad or bothered at something.

They picked a restaurant and sat down for a meal. 

Stell know this is the right time to ask. "So sasabihin mo ba bakit bigla mo ko hinila sa sinehan? What's up?"

Sejun eyed him, wondering if he can hide the look on his face. He's guilty about something that he can't let Stell know. And he's been wondering why he did what he did. He's not about to tell his bestfriend that. 

"Gusto ko lang panoorin yun movie. Paka judgemental nito. Bored lang." Sejun said as he drinks water from a glass.

"Hindi ka lumalabas dahil bored ka lang. Wag ako Nase. Kilala kita." Stell said confidently.

Sejun smirked secretly. 'Kilala mo ko? Buti ka pa kasi at this moment di ko na kilala sarili ko.'

"Haha! Sana all kilala ko." Sejun said smiling awkwardly.

"So ano nga??? Ano meron?" Stell insisted.

Sejun's heart is beating so fast now. 'Pano ko ba to lulusutan?'

"Wala nga! Kulit mo kumain ka na lang."

Stell stopped pushing his bestfriend knowing fully well that if he did, he'll be in a foul mood the whole time. They instead talked about something else. Just as they do when they are together.

When Sejun dropped Stell home, he felt a sudden pinch in his heart. He doesn't want to let Stell go just yet. But he can't insist on staying if Stell doesn't ask. And he's half hoping he does. But when Stell finally shut the door and waved his hands at him like a little kid, he knows that whatever he's feeling can wait another day.

The rest of Sejun's ride home is uneventful. Except when he realized that Stell is still wearing his hoodie. But it's too late to go back. The Grab car he's riding halted and stopped infront of his house.

Back at Stell's house, he also realized he's still wearing Sejun's hooded sweater. He grabbed the collar and smelled it. It smells like Sejun and it made him smile.

When he entered the house, his mom is in the living room, with a box of cake infront of her.

"Ma ano yan? Sino may birthday?"

"Ay andyan ka na pala. Hindi. May dumating kanina hinahanap ka. Kaibigan mo daw. Ken daw. Dala nya to."

Stell's heart jumped to his chest. How did he know where he lives? He's only been talking to him on and off for a week. 

He went up to his room and plopped on his bed still thinking about that weird scenario. Sejun must know something.

He's about to get his phone from his pocket when his hand landed on the pocket of Sejun's hoodie. Stell thumb the rectangular thing and knew exactly that it's Sejun's spare phone.

Stell dropped it on the bed. Staring at it. Tempted to look what's inside. His mind fighting over this and the thought that Ken was at their home earlier to see him.

He grabbed his phone nonetheless and dialled Sejun's number.

When he picked up, Sejun immediately said. "Yung phone ko naiwan ko sayo, wag mong pakialaman."

Stell almost laugh in annoyance, "Bat ko naman papakialaman? Kaya nga ko tumawag para sabihin sayo. Ang judgemental neto."

"Hindi sa ganun. Basta basta wag mong buksan."

"Oo na." Stell answered calmly. But deep inside he's wondering if Sejun is hiding something.

"Stell i promise mo."

"Oo na promise. Sige na, may tatawagan pa ko."

"Sino?"

"Si Ken."

Sejun stopped breathing. He doesn't have enough braincells left to think about what he said next. "Wag!"

Stell was stumped. Did Sejun just told him not to call Ken?

"Bakit hindi? Andito daw sya kanina sabi ni Mama. Di ko alam sino nagsabi ng address ko. Ikaw ba?"

Sejun can't answer on the other line. But then he guess it's gonna be out in the open anyway. "Oo."

"Ahhh oh bakit daw? I mean bakit sya andito?" Stell asked casually but his heart is pounding.

Sejun didn't answer for a while. Thinking if he's ready to tell his bestfriend. He sighed hard and said, "Nagpapatulong sya sa kin sayo. Tulungan ko daw sya to be close to you."

"And?" Stell asked.

"I said sige. I mean why not? Di ba gusto mo din naman yung tao. So binigay ko address mo kasi magagawi daw sya banda dito sa tin." 

"Oh tapos?"

"Wala yun na yon."

"Sayang naman di kami nag abot. Bat mo kasi ako niyaya mag sine." Stell said laughing. Oblivious to the truth.

"Wala, kasi na frustrate lang ako kanina." Sejun said. He's getting close to saying what he really feels but he can't quite get there. Because in truth, he doesn't really know anymore.

"Dahil?" Stell asked again.

"Wala! Wag mo na ko tanungin. Message mo na lang sya kung gusto mo. Sige na pahinga muna ko sumakit ulo ko bigla. Basta yung phone ko wag mo buksan ha. Nagpromise ka." Sejun backed out. Maybe it's too late for this since his bestfriend obviously likes Ken too by the way his voice sounds.

"Huy Sej, sure ka ok ka lang?"

"Yes Stell. I'm good."

"Hnngg, ok. Sige pahinga ka na muna. Usap na lang tao bukas."

"Ok, bye."

Sejun dropped the call abruptly, leaving Stell a bit confused. Bye? Bakit parang galit?

He pushed the thought out of his mind. And hesitated on calling Ken at this time too. 'Kung gusto naman nya ko kausapin mag memessage naman din siguro. Pero wala naman message. Ang gulo din.' He thought.

He forego of the plan to call Ken to avoid sounding too eager and decided to turn in for the night instead.

Stell did his nightly routine, and settled in for bed, but his mind is occupied by a lot of things. One of them bothering him so much more than Ken being here earlier today. Did Sejun really agreed to help Ken? Why does that bother him so much if he also asked Sejun to help him with Ken.

He turned to his right looking at his side table with Sejun's phone in mind. Why did he insists he don't look at it. Stell is not one to pry into someone else's stuff. But they have checked on each other's phones occassionally before.

Stell's curiousity got the best of him. He admitted it's not his best behavior. But his gut is telling him that his bestfriend is hiding something from him. But why would he? And is he ready to know if there is?

Stell flicked open Sejun's phone and tried the pin he knows. Of course that's still his password. That's why he's so scared for Stell to look. 

Several apps are open including some messages that Stell left alone. Because reading through them is going too far. But what is he looking for really?

Stell's about to give up and get back to his senses when he finally got to Sejun's Spotify. He opened the app not knowing what to feel when he found a playlist named 'Stell'.

His heart leapt. He felt cold instantly not knowing what to think. Maybe Sejun really just likes making playlists for people he's close to. And they've been bestfriends for the longest time.

He perused the songs in the playlist. Most of it are Stell's actual favorite songs. But some songs are distinctly Sejun's taste I.F.L.Y., Mine and Beautiful by Bazzi, all songs he already let him listen to before. But there are some unfamiliar ones like Woke the F*ck Up by Jon Bellion and Honest Man by Ben Platt.

Stell opened his phone and played a lyric video.

_'It's easier for us to hide_

_If you come out, then so will I_

_Promise that I'll meet you halfway_

_'Cause I see every part of you_

_And I can tell you see me too_

_By the way that you say my name_

_I'm an honest man_

_Why can't you take my hand_

_I'm not what you planned_

_But I'm a safe place to land_

_I'm an honest man'_

After watching it. He doesn't know what to feel. Why would Sejun have a song like this on a playlist with his name on it. Maybe he mistakenly placed it here. 

Stell knows he won't be able to sleep if he doesn't ask. But if he did, Sejun will know he went through his phone and Stell didn't like the idea of Sejun getting mad at him.

He opened Sejun's number and ghosted over the Call button for a while. Contemplating. Thinking if he wants to know.

Then finally, he hit the button. The phone rang for a long time. He must be asleep.

He's about to drop the call when Sejun answered breathily.

"Sej? Sorry natutulog ka na ba?" Stell apologized, kicking himself mentally.

"Stell? Yeah. Pero ok lang. What's up?" Sejun peeked into his phone to look at the time. "Ala una na ah. Di ka pa natutulog?"

"Di ako makatulog eh. Pero sige bukas na lang." Stell said embarassed for what he did.

"Stell. Gising na ko. Ano yon?"

"Eh parang na istorbo naman kita sa tulog mo."

"Madalas ka naman mang istorbo. Anong difference ngayon?" Sejun said, he smiled thinking how many times Stell called like this just because he's been thinking about something. His heart fluttered. "Stell. Ano?"

Stell doesn't know what to say or do. And he wondered why he's so shy of his bestfriend all of a sudden. Is it because of his extra raspy voice? After hearing the song, he imagined Sejun singing it to him and he can't contain his emotion.

"May nadinig kasi akong song. Di ko alam kung bago. Pakinggan mo ang ganda." Stell played the song. It's too late to backout.

The song played and Sejun is unusually quiet on the other line. But Stell can hear him breathing once in a while.

When the song finished. Stell called on to his bestfriend. "Hello? Sej? Andyan ka pa? Nadinig mo?"

Sejun froze on his bed. Thumbing the hem of his shirt. He sat right up after hearing the first line of the song. And he knew instantly that Stell found his playlist. He should've known Stell would be curious. When you tell him not to do something he becomes even more curious.

But maybe it's time to tell him. Maybe it's a good time as any to let his bestfriend know what he realized a month ago. What he's been contemplating for a while.

"Universe to Sejun?" Stell said on the other line.

"Stell."

"Yup Sejun?"

"Wait for me. Puntahan kita dyan."

"Ha? Late na. Wag na oy. Bukas na."

"This can't wait. Just stay awake."

"Ahh sige." Stell said hesitantly.

"Stell?"

"Oh?"

"I'm an honest man. So whatever I say tonight, it's the truth."

"Ok. Bilisan mo. Hintayin kita."

Sejun pulled the car over infront of Stell's house, carefully parking it on the side of the road before reaching for his phone.

"Hey, I'm here." Sejun stared at his phone waiting for Stell's reply. It took about 3 minutes when he decided to try again. But even before he could type another message, Stell stepped out of the house.

Stell approached the driver's side and knocked on the window. It made Sejun smile because his car is not tinted and he can see Stell clearly from inside the car.

He rolled the window down to play along.

"Sir, bawal po mag parking dito, masikip po yung kalsada." Stell said in an authoritative voice.

"Eh san pwede magparking?" Sejun said with fake-anger. 

Stell broke into a wide smile and got his usual voice back. Bright and sunny, just like him.

"Tara sa loob?" Stell moved a bit to the side to let Sejun off the car.

"Hindi ba magagalit si Tita? Alas dos na." Sejun thoughfully asked. 

"Andito ka na eh. Ano di kita papapasukin?"

Sejun followed Stell in the house. Everyone seemed to be upstairs already sleeping. They both sat at the dining table after Stell brought out a glass of juice for Sejun.

They sat in awkward silence for 2 minutes when Stell nudged Sejun by the knees. "Huy Nase, anong pinunta mo dito dis oras ng gabi? Buti pinahiram ng kuya mo yung kotse nya."

"Tinakas ko lang yan." Sejun took a sip of the juice, letting the glass linger for a while in between his lips to buy some time.

Sejun can't breathe all of a sudden. Pano nya sasabihin kay Stell yung gusto nyang sabihin? It was a good idea in theory. Just tell him you feel something for him, Sejun thought. Pero Anong feelings? Pano sasabihin kung hindi maintindihan?

"So ano nga yon?" Stell insisted.

"For starter, asan yung phone ko?" Sejun asked casually.

Stell slapped his forehead then stood up. "Oo nga pala no. Wait lang kunin ko."

His bestfriend reached the foot of the stairs in a few strides. He can hear the door opening upstairs and after a while, Stell is carefully on his way down in tiptoe trying not to make a noise. It was cute.

"Oh." Stell placed the phone on top of the table. 

"So I guess pinakinggan mo mga songs sa playlist mo?"

Sejun unlocked his phone and opened his Spotify.

Stell blushed, placed his elbows on top of the table and covered his face with his hands. "I got curious when --"

"I said don't open. I know you would. Should have known better. That's my fault."

"Alam mo pala eh." Stell smiled sheepishly. He felt bad, he really did. But seeing Sejun taking it lightly made him breathe easier. He felt relieved making him smile unconsciously.

Sejun played a sample of the music one by one. Moving from one song to the next after 3 seconds of each song. Just browsing. When he got to the Ben Platt portion of the song, Stell froze.

"Maganda yang song na yan." He said to Sejun, who's deep in his thought. He didn't hear what Stell said.

Stell reached for Sejun's hand and his bestfriend flinched. "Ha? Ano yun?"

"Sabi ko maganda yung song." Stell repeated.

"Ah, yeah, sobrang ganda. When I heard it first sabi ko ang perfect." Sejun avoided looking into Stell's eyes because he knows he will drown in them if he did.

"Perfect para saan?" Stell's voice dropped a pitch lower than his usual.

"Para sayo." Sejun said in an almost whisper.

"Sejun." Stell lightly punched his bestfriend's arm. That made Sejun look at him. When Sejun did, he knew he's doomed. Stell's eyes are on him, hypnotizing him. He knew he can't deny his feelings anymore. "Tungkol saan talaga 'to? Yung playlist, yung song, yung pagpunta mo dito?"

"I like you." Sejun said abruptly.

Stell smiled. "Bestfriend kita so alam ko like mo ko. Kung hindi eh bakit pa tayo magbest--"

"I like-like you." Sejun insisted bowing his head down.

"Like-like, doble?" Stell joked which made Sejun frown in return.

Stell noticed, but he can't stop cracking a joke because he honestly don't know what he feels about this confession. He thinks he likes his bestfriend like that too, but for some reason, he can't accept the fact that when he says it, things might change between them.

"Yun lang naman. That's all there is to it. Pwede na siguro akong umalis tutal alam mo na." Sejun is thankful that his hair has grown extra long. So he can hide the disappointment beneath it. He didn't expect a grand gesture, but he didn't exactly expect Stell to be like this too. All jokes. Non of the affection. Sanay na dapat ako, he thought.

Sejun stood up, his shoulder drooping down as sign of defeat. When suddenly Stell grabbed his hand.

"Sandali. Upo ka muna, sorry."

Sejun turned his head towards Stell and sat back down.

Stell took his time before he spoke again.

"I like you din naman. Alam mo naman yun eh. Pero di ko alam kung anong klaseng like yung sayo. As in L word? Andun ka na sa stage na yon?"

Sejun went into all the scenarios in his head. L word. Love? Andun na nga ba sya or natakot lang sya na magbago lahat sa kanila ni Stell dahil kay Ken? Is he just being selfish and jealous about his bestfriend's time?

"Hindi ko din alam." Sejun whispered. "All I know is that I like you. Not the same as before. I look at you differently."

Stell's cheeks flushed. There's something different about liking a bestfriend and looking at them differently. And he's aware of that fact. "Panong differently?"

"I'm attracted to you." Sejun's eyes pierced through Stell and he can't seem to avoid Sejun's eye contact.

"Hindi ko alam sasabihin ko." Stell's mind is going through all the instances when he looked at Sejun. May ganun ba syang naramdam? Was he ever attracted to Sejun?

"You don't have to say anything. Mistake yata na pumunta ko dito." Sejun stood up, for real this time. He tapped Stell's shoulder. Stell who can't move because of the sudden revelation. He's wondering bakit mas malakas yung impact ng pagsabi ni Sejun na attracted sya sa kanya more than when Sejun said he likes him.

Sejun is almost out the door when Stell caught up to him. He grabbed his bestfriend's hand and turned him around. Sejun was surprised when he suddenly felt Stell's lips on his. It was fleeting and quick. His eyes fell on Stell's own eyes. Sejun tried to decipher what that kiss meant.

Stell blushed deeply. Not knowing why he did what he did. Maybe trying to see if he will feel something different. And he did. His heart beats faster. But he sort of regretted it after. Their first kiss and it's not as romantic as he thought.

When Stell moved away, Sejun grabbed him by the shoulder. "Wait. Can we try that one more time?" Stell nodded his head with a little hesitation.

Their faces slowly meet halfway, staring intently into each other's eyes, careful, measuring in their minds the amount of damage this will do to their friendship, both hesitating. Their lips ghosted into each other for a while. They can feel each other's breaths and it gave both of them comfort.

Sejun made the move, pressing his lips over Stell's. He never imagine this happening when he was on his way to Stell's house. But now that he can feel Stell's soft lips over his, he could not believe he lived 5 years of his life without doing this.

Stell felt butterflies in his stomach and confirmed his attraction with his bestfriend. Despite that he has a lot of questions in his mind. Why now? What exactly is this? What will happen to their friendship? What happens when things don't work out between them?

He pulled back. He doesn't want to be like a moth who flew directly into the flame only to be burnt completely. He needs his bestfriend.

Sejun with his eyes closed is bewildered by the sudden lack of pressure on his lips. He opened his eyes only to see Stell wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. And it never left his lips. Stell covered his lips as if he doesn't want anyone near it. And Sejun felt a pinch in his heart.

"Sorry." Stell said, his voice muffled.

"Don't be. Ako dapat yung mag sorry. Sorry Stell. This shouldn't have happened."

Sejun walked to the door as quickly as possible. He gently closed the door behind him, hoping to hear the creacking of the hinge again to indicate that Stell followed him. But he didn't hear anything. 

He got into his car and turned on the engine. He waited 3, 5 minutes, but Stell didn't come out the door.

The pinch turned into a full on pain. As if something heavy dropped onto his chest. His throat tightened, a lump threatening to choke him. He tilted his head up to control the water from his eyes that's about to drop. Sejun gripped the steering wheel tightly. His foot pressed on the break, not wanting to let go. If he let's go and let the car move, it means he'll be walking away from the best thing that ever happened to his life.

He waited a few more minutes, but Stell is nowhere in sight.

Sejun lets go of the break feeling defeated. The car moved and his tears fell.

Stell's knuckles are white from gripping the doorknob for too long. At first, he's thinking about how he felt earlier when Sejun's lips are on his. He felt it. The attraction.

But then his overactive mind flash way into the future. If they fight, what would happen? And then it went back to earlier today. Sejun got him out of the house para hindi sila magkita ni Ken. It's sweet in hindsight, but if you think about it, it's a bit manipulative. And Sejun did that.

Stell kept his hand on the doorknob. He can hear the car engine still revving outside. He's still there. Waiting for him. And he doesn't know what to do.

When he finally decided to go out, he heard the car speeding away. Too late. 

Stell went back up to his room. He opened his phone only to find a message from Ken.

"Hi Stell. Di ko sure kung nasabi sayo ng Mama mo. Dumaan kasi ako kanina. Pasensya na biglaan. Nagawi lang ako sa area. Hiningi ko kay Sejun address mo. Message me pag may time ka."

Stell can't deny that he was excited when he learned that Ken was here. For him. And now this message, even if it came a bit late. It's nice to know the effort made for him. Knowing that he instantly had a crush on Ken and it looks like it's mutual.

But after reading Ken's message several times, he didn't feel the need to actually send him a message right at that moment.

The thought of Sejun leaving, occupied his mind. He was outside for a while. He was waiting for him. 

Stell opened their chat and sent Sejun a message.

"Are you home? Please message mo naman ako kung nakauwi ka na."

Stell leaned on his headboard after sending the message to Sejun. 

When they met five years ago at audition, he didn't know he will be close to him. Sejun was aloof and has an air about him. He has a no non-sense attitude, a bit shy, but confident. Specially when he's performing.

What's more surprising is that it only took half a day before they realized that they have a lot in common. And those similarities bonded them up to this day.

Stell waited and waited until his eyes can't take it anymore. He closed his eyes and when he woke up, the sun is beaming on his face.

He immediately reached for his phone expecting a long message from Sejun. But there's nothing. Not even seen.

He felt hurt for a bit, but more than anything, he's worried. Stell thought of all the scenarios that could have happened to Sejun and his heart is suddenly in pain.

Stell opened all his social media accounts to find a trace of Sejun somewhere. But even this is too far-reaching since he doesn't update a lot. 

This is why he was surprised when he saw a post from Sejun's Twitter account. Six hours ago. Which means he got home safely and Tweeted at around 4am.

'If only I could turn back time'

Which part? The one when he was here a few hours ago? Or all of it? Did he wish he didn't meet me? Or all those times that we are bestfriends?

Stell's head spins a little thinking about what Sejun meant by that. He should be able to ask him about it easily. He normally would, but this time, it feels like this is about him and it pains him that he can't do anything about it.

Stell went through the day normally, in fact he went 3 days without hearing from Sejun and he can't find it in himself to send him a message. What if he ignores it. Can he take it? Is he ready to hear what Sejun is about to say.

One thing is for sure though. He misses him. He missed him that 1st night without talking to him. It was unusual. And it hurts.

The 2nd night, he stared at his phone the whole night. He came close to actually sending him a message. Maybe a joke? Or a question? Maybe if he tells a joke, it wouldn't hurt so bad if Sejun didn't reply.

On the 3rd day, Stell accidentally pocket-dialed Sejun's number. He just noticed when he's about to get off the bus. And Sejun answered.

He rushed out of the bus and went to a nearby store to call him again. After several rings. Sejun picked up.

(Phone convo)

Stell

Sej? Hello?

Sejun

Hi

Stell

Gusto mong magkape? Nasa Makati ako ngayon. Asan ka?

Sejun

Home. Di na Stell malayo ako eh.

Stell

Ah. Pwede naman ako pumunta dyan.

Sejun

Medyo busy eh. Next time na lang.

Stell

Huy. Ok lang ba tayo?

Sejun

(Long pause)

Yeah, I guess.

Stell

Seryoso Sej, can we talk?

Sejun

Maybe later na lang medyo busy ako now.

Stell

Ok sige. Tonight? Tawagan kita.

Sejun

Text kita pag free ako.

Stell

Ah. Sige sige.

Sejun

Oy una na muna ko tawag ako ni Kuya.

Stell

Sige, text mo na lang ako mamaya.

Sejun

Ok bye

Stell

I miss --

(Call dropped)

you... Shit. Shit. Shit. Nase. 

Bakit mo to ginagawa sa kin?

Sejun buried his face down on his pillow after talking to Stell. He fucking misses his voice. Just the sound his voice makes him want to go crazy.

The past three days had been a hell. He stared at his phone all day wishing Stell would at least send a hello. What was he thinking? Is he thinking about us? 

Why didn't he go out of the house when he was about to leave. Bakit nya pinairal yung pride nya nung nag message si Stell that night. Why did he talk to him like that just now.

All the whys is making his head hurt. 

But there's something in his bestfriend's voice that he can't quite put a finger to. 

Sejun picked up his guitar and played the only song he wants to sing to Stell right at this moment.

'I'm an honest man

Why can't you take my hand?

I'm not what you planned

But I'm a safe place to land

I'm an honest man

See me as I am

Show me that I can

You make me an honest man

I know I've played with hearts before

Don't have the heart to play with yours

I only swear to do the best I can

'Cause when you put your trust in me

How beautiful our love could be

If only you would take a chance'

Stell, only if you can trust me with your heart, I promise this will be worth it. Sejun thought.

Sejun tried to sleep off his headache. When he woke up, there are several messages from Stell.

**Stell**

Sejun, naalala mo nung last break-up mo? Di ko nireremind sayo para saktan ka ha. Naisip ko lang kasi. Naalala ko, sabi mo sa kin non. Hayaan mo na yun. Di naman kawalan. Sinayang ko lang oras ko.

Galit ka nun pero alam ko nasasaktan ka. So nasaktan din ako para sayo. Nagalit pa nga ko sa ex mo. Kahit alam ko naman na mutual yung decision nyo. Pero nagalit ako kasi syempre ikaw kakampihan ko. Kasi bestfriend kita eh.

**Stell**

Pero pano kung sa tin yun mangyari? Pano kung isang araw napagdesisyunan natin na maghiwalay. Parang kayo nung ex mo? 

Sasabihin mo din ba sa ibang tao na hayaan na ako. Na sinayang mo lang yung oras mo sa kin?

Saka kanino ako tatakbo? Kanina ako magsasabi ng hinanakit ko katulad nung mga past break ups ko, kung ikaw yun. Kung ikaw yung iniiwasan ko?

Kanino ako iiyak, Sejun?

Sejun's heart tightened. He understands what Stell is feeling. He has the same fears. But if they don't take a chance now, who's to say that this friendship will even last long?

All Sejun knows right now is that he is attracted to his bestfriend and he likes him and that he's willing to try as long as Stell gives him a chance.

Sejun

Stell, are you home? Labas ka naman sandali.

Stell

Ha? Asan ka?

Sejun

Outside

Stell

Bakit?

Sejun

Here to talk.

Stell

I mean bakit di mo sinabi na pupunta ka? Pano kung wala ako sa bahay?

Sejun

Good thing you're here. Someone must like me up there. Kung wala ka. I'll wait. I'll always wait for you.

Stell

Ok. Wait lang.

Stell put on a hoodie before going out. He didn't realize it was Sejun's until he reached the car, parked right out.

He knocked on the window as he normally would and Sejun signalled for him to come in.

"Hi." Sejun said while looking at Stell. He noticed the hoodie he's wearing and smiled. Just a little.

"Late ka na naman andito." Stell said while playing with the hem of the hoodie. He flinched when he suddenly felt Sejun's hand on his.

"Hindi na mangyayari what happened a few days ago." Sejuns finger traced Stell's palm and it sent waves of electricity into Stell's whole body.

"Alin dun? Yung kiss or yung pag walk out mo?" Stell is staring at their hands together. He didn't imagine his hand on his bestfriend would look this perfect.

Sejun shifted a little to face Stell. He placed his hand over the headrest of the car seat, close enough to Stell's ear. Stell moved away at the sudden sensation Sejun's finger brought when it slightly touched the shell of his ear.

"The kiss will be up to you. But I will not walk out again."

"Sejun, anong ginagawa natin? Just a few days ago, everything's normal." 

"Maybe for you. It hasn't been normal for me since I introduced you to Ken."

"Is this all about that? About Ken?"

"Hindi. Pero it's what made me realize how much I like you. How attracted I am to you. Sorry I have to be blunt now. I won't let you out of this car without letting you know how much I want this."

"Pero Sejun. Pano kung. Yun nga. If may mangyari na di natin inaasahan tapos mawala lahat sa 'tin."

"As far as I know, dalawa lang naman kakalabasan nito eh. We stay together or we break up. Pero if we don' try, pano natin malalaman?"

"Natatakot ako eh." Stell admitted.

"Sa akin?" Sejun asked, a bit of hurt in his voice.

"No. No. Of course hindi sayo. Yung sa lahat. Yung mga nakapaligid sa 'tin. Yung ibang tao. Yung hirap ng relationship."

"Stell. Do you know how much I know you?" Stell nodded. "And ikaw? Do you think someone else knows me as much as you do?" Stell shrugged his shoulders.

"Wrong answer." Sejun said. "No one knows me more than you. That I'm sure of. Ikaw lang nakakaalam how I think, how I act, my fears, my insecurities, my dreams. I'm sure of that kasi ikaw lang naman pinagsasabihan ko ng lahat."

"But are you sure? Sure ka na gusto mong i try to with me?"

"I've never been so sure of anything else in my life but this. Stell please. If you be honest with me kung ano nararamdaman mo, I will take it, whatever that is. Pero kasi ramdam ko na you also want this. Mali ba ko?" Sejun's grip on Stells hand tightened.

Stell's cheeks blushed. He doesn't want to cry, but Sejun's sincerity is too much for him to handle. A single tear left his eye and Sejun wiped it quickly.

"I can't promise I won't make you cry. But I'll try my best to make it only happy tears. Stell, I like you so much."

"I-I like you too." Stell said barely audible.

"Stell?"

He upped his volume a bit. "Sabi ko I like you too. Like-like, doble." Stell smiled shyly. He can't believe Sejun's stare is turning him this giddy. But once he said it, his heart suddenly soared. Like a weight has been lifted.

Sejuns smile is infectious at this point. "Walang bawian?" 

Stell shook his head. "Walang bawian. Ang hirap na bawiin when you're holding my hand like that."

Sejun realized he's been gripping Stell's hand too much. He let him go and placed his hand over Stell's cheek. "This may be 5 years too late, but the first time I saw you, I thought, how can a man be so beautiful. And looking at you now, I can't believe this is the first time I'm saying it." Sejun cupped Stell's cheek with his one hand. "You're so beautiful Stell."

It must be the words or Sejun's sincerity but Stell can't help himself when he leaned towards Sejun. Sejun noticed and he met Stell halfway. When their lips met, there's none of the uncertainty from three days ago.

It's the best feeling in the world for both of them. That the person who knew them more than anyone in the world is willing to try. At that point, they both know they are being honest about what they're feeling. No more hiding.

It's easier for us to hide

If you come out then so will I

Promise that I'll meet you halfway

'Cause I see every part of you

And I can tell you see me too

By the way that you say my name

I'm not what you planned

But I'm a safe place to land

I'm an honest man

Day After

Stell

Hi Ken. Sorry for the late reply. Uhm. Sorry this will be my last message. Just want to say thanks for visiting the house. But I guess that would be the last. Sorry, I'm dating someone right now. And it would be unfair to all of us if we talk. Thanks and bye. :)


End file.
